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How Many Times…How Many Tears?

I started this post more than six months ago and just never felt it was the right time to share. Today, it is…

This song came on the radio the other night as I was driving alone (yes, alone!). As it began to play, especially through the chorus, I could hardly continue driving. It struck a chord so deep within me. How many tears will I cry before he sees?


I have experienced very few tragedies in my lifetime, for whHow Many Times...How Many Tears? #grief #comfort #lossich I am VERY grateful. But there have been moments where the breath has been knocked out of me. And I’ve gone through seasons where I feel like every time I try to surface for air, I’m pushed back under. Moments of utter sadness and alone-ness. The deep aching and gnawing of pain in my heart that seems to extend to every fiber of my body.

The source hasn’t always been the same. Sometimes my agony is from the consequences of my own sin. Sometimes it’s been hurt and grief for another. Sometimes it’s just that life is plain HARD. And, more often than not, I’ve had to fight tooth and nail to trust Him. Many times I’ve felt like Jacob wrestling with God (Genesis 32). I’ve longed to be free from the fear, confusion and anxiety. Most recently, I’ve emerged from a very self-focused and limited view of my life and His plan for me. In the midst of it, I wondered where He was – why I couldn’t “see” His hand moving. I’ve thrown temper tantrums (oh yes, it’s true – complete with throwing things). I’ve sobbed in the shower, hoping the water would wash more than the tears from me. I’ve begged God for something to materialize in front of my eyes, to help me make sense of the seemingly senseless.

For all my friends who are walking through a place of suffering and shadows, He hears you. He is near.

Oh, God, thank You for being near us. Thank You for walking with us. Thank You for a Hope that our suffering will one day end and we will see the meaning in all of this.

(How Many Times from Plumb’s latest album, NEED YOU NOW)

Edited photo credit: eflon via photopin cc


  1. Thank you! I can so relate. I had someone tell me in a self-righteous manner, “You just don’t seem content.” I I have been asking the LORD, “HOW!!” I am thankful, I do love HIM, praise Him, but how do you”just” be content in such an imperfect world when (frankly) I am the most imperfect of all!! I have to live with myself–I am not content with ME. Everywhere I go (as the saying goes), there I am. Dear Jesus, I want to be Holy as you are Holy–and yet…ugh. don’t other people struggle? It seems in church (at least where I live) I am the odd one. Thanks again. You have warmed my soul today.

    • Oh, I’m so sorry. That is really tough! I had people tell me that I just needed to be content and God would bring my husband-to-be into the picture. That is so unhelpful. :o/

      Today I am grieving. I know there is joy in the morning. I don’t grieve as one without hope, so it is ok to grieve – and grieve deeply.

  2. Ohhh. He is faithful. So very glad our great God is faithful. And His grace is enough, even when it doesn’t “feel” like it is…it is enough. I love you. <3

  3. Such a timely song on this sad day. Love you dearly, and I love watching you glorify Him from where you are standing today, no matter if it’s sunshine or shadows. You are a blessing!

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