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When There’s Three on the Screen – Three Babies

When you’re lying there with goop on your belly, nervous and excited, and the technician says, “There’s three!” Three babies.

And time stops. And your heart takes forever to start beating again. And your mind goes numb, yet races at the same time. And someone tells you to smile. And you feel like a freak.

When you look at the man you created a child with, learn there are three and wonder if he’ll stay with you.

And your heart wills him to feel through the panic and walk it with you. Even as he does the same.

When logic commands you to deny all possibilities, every fibre of your being in confusion.

And yet curiosity compels you closer. And the mother’s heart within you draws you, even as it repels you.

When fear of the future parades in pictures and words through your mind: preemies, loss, hardship, failure, different. Freak.

And still your mother bear inside shouts, “I love them, anyway! Beautiful.”

When terror and depression threaten to undo you and thoughts you never would have thought unglue you for thinking them.

And even so you desperately long to fall in love with each – wondering what color each one’s eyes will be.

When you are alone in a room full of people and the disappointment threatens to engulf you.

And you meet someone else with three. And suddenly, it’s not quite so lonely. A burden lifts.

When sadness fills you, during a time most feel joy and wonder, and you trip over Shame, and Regret yanks you down.

And yet anxiously anticipate the birth of what you created – three sweet beings.

When smiles are fake, and your mind screams, and your body is breaking.

And yet a baby kicks. And then another. And soon all three are dancing a dance of coziness. And you are strong again.

When fears are realized and joys are actualized, and tiny baby after tiny baby are removed from your body.

And you hope these feelings aren’t the highest you’ll feel, even as you wonder how you could ever love anyone more.

This is when you know you are not a freak. You are precious. Your children are precious. Unique, yes. Created in His sight. Formed by His sovereign hand. And you rejoice.

Fountain-7616-8_0x10_0-33AThis was borne from on emotions I felt during the pregnancy with our babies. Since then I have encountered so many MoMs who felt similarly but did not know they weren’t the only ones to feel this way: afraid, alone and disappointed.

So, girls, this is for you. And our babies. Our three babies. Each one we love, are proud of, wouldn’t “give back” for the world.

PC: Christopher Yates Fine Portraits

Comments

  1. Awww! Beautiful!

  2. Beautiful and very honest. You are great at putting words to emotions that I have experienced! I’m so happy a friend sent me a link to your website and facebook page.

  3. My triplets are almost three but this brought everything back so clearly. Thank you for sharing so I know I’m not the only one who felt this way!

  4. Elizabeth Coshatt says:

    Mine was different. We didn’t find out at first ultrasound. Long story short we had help. Told 1 maybe 2. Found out we were pregnant and had 1st ultrasound at 6 weeks. Told we were having twins. 2nd ultrasound 2 weeks later told we had 3 just by checking their hearts. Imagine my surprise.

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