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When Enduring Isn’t Enjoying

Those days…grace

Those days when somebody is always screaming in frustration.

When you’ve kissed 4.5 booboos before 9 am. When you can’t finish saying “no don’t climb that” because you have to tell another “no don’t hit.”

And then kiss another booboo because he hit anyway.

Those days you scream at your children to stop screaming.

And growl out a command to have a happy heart. And still the whining keeps on.

Those days you’ve said do not scream, do not hit, do not whine, do not touch, be still, say please, say thank you, say I’m sorry – 40 million times. Each.

And your patience is wearing thin.

Those days when you’ve refilled countless sticky sippies.

And cleaned up countless puddles of milk. When you’re still cleaning up the kitchen in your pajamas at 11:10 am and notice on Facebook “her” picture of dinner fully prepped and craft-time begun with three happy children.

When you realize you’re moving from enjoying those tiny faces to enduring them.

And your patience is thinner.

Those days when every effort you make only seems to frustrate your child, pushing more tears down her tear-stained face.

And you wonder what’s the point.

When you make a determination to love and not react in anger. And then the dictionary is dropped on your foot.

When you look at the clock again for the third time in two minutes, praying that it will soon be naptime.

And your patience is so very thin.

When they wake up crying and fighting your attempt to snuggle them.

And the guilt sets in that you’re not teaching them or training them or correcting them well enough. Or soon enough. Or lovingly enough. Or consistently enough.

And the days stretch out before you so long and unending. Days that are full of endless whining and toilet paper strewn all over the bathroom. And body slams from tantruming toddlers.

Days so long the exhaustion seems ingrained into every aching muscle.

And your patience is so thin you can see through it.

Then, at that moment, you see His example toward you: never-ending patience, kindness, encouragement and love.

And you find the strength to make it to bedtime. To wipe more tears, cuddle more defiant toddlers.

The strength to bury your face in their silky hair and whisper, “I love you,” even as you fight guilt.

And your patience grows just a bit.

Those days when you wake up the next morning. And there’s new grace. Those days.

Comments

  1. .love.

  2. Beautiful. That was my day today. Thanks for you honesty.

  3. I’ve been there so many days lately. Thank you for this.

  4. I often have those days. Thanks for sharing!

  5. Hi, Jennifer! I’ve got just-turned-two triplet daughters who I love like I never thought possible, but yes, I have these days! We live a couple of states away from family, my husband is in his third year of pharmacy school (that’s right- they were born during his first week of classes) and works two jobs to make ends meet, and sometimes I want to be able to crawl into a hole and call someone to come take care of these little monsters, but there is no one else. But God is so good to equip me to endure on those days, to be patient, to kiss boo-boos 4000 more times, to NOT scream when I hear “Mommy” innumerable times an hour or “help!” Over and over and over… He is good and He is enough, and because of Him, I can truly love my girls even when I feel I just might actually lose my mind this time. ๐Ÿ™‚

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